I'm not really a poet...but I do write a little from time to time. Usually, I write about what is bouncing around most vigourously in my head. Sometimes positive occasionally glum. I haven't had the opportunity to work on my writing so it is not going to be terribly impressive. Oh well.


I am the lone wolf.
Covered in a sheen of ancient gray,
I move through the wilds.
Past streams, past forests,
By swamps and pastures.

I am tired and old.
My eyes bear the pain of failure and regret.
Scars, rekindle my past,
Of demons that have ravaged,
Of demons that ravage still.
I seek,
But do not find.

They fear me.
I do not wish to kill,
My heart is no longer in it.
For the silence of death has followed my hand for long enough,
No longer shall the earth drink deep of my actions.

My pack,
They loved me,
They continue to love,
But they know not of what I have become.
My heart has hardened,
My soul cold and dark.
I am the sorrow at the end of their trail of tears.
I seek,
But do not find.

Curse the rising sun,
It drags forth another day.
Of living with my past,
Of paying for my pain.
Only in the night does my anguish settle,
Yet not enough for screams to pass away.
I seek,
But do not find.

I am become the hunted.
My enemies rise to take me,
I have made no friends tonight.
What does it matter now,
One life to further another.
I will not go quietly,
I cannot, the lives I have taken demand this.

The fog of the past surrounds me,
The burden of regret hangs low.
All those who have loved,
Who have cared and hoped,
I have wasted their gifts.
I seek,
But do not find.

In a world of carnage I sink,
The stillness of death draws near.
Those who have challenged have fallen,
Yet their hate pierces deep.
My death will be heralded, then forgotten.
No matter,
My failure is complete.
I seek,
But I cannot find.

Saturday, being my only day of the week to do work around the house and such was actually a wonderful day. I spent a good portion of it in my grandfather's basement doing some woodworking. We made some modifications/repairs to my desk as well as making a custom grip for my machete. I love my grandfather. He is 86 and still kicking. Heart problems and all of the issues associated with heart disease have been plaquing him for the past view years, thus I have made it an effort to try and get over to see him whenever I can. Grampa is very near and dear to my heart. He was a potato farmer turned metal fabricator for years upon years. Gramp taught me just about everything I know about working with wood, metal, and people. Now, he spents most of his time reading on the couch. It makes me sad to see such an incredible man restricted to mere academic stimulus 24/7. O well, such is the apparent way of things. I plan to spend as much time with him in the next few years that I can so when the end comes I know that he went home without being lonely, without wondering where his family was, or if anyone really still cared...such is the apparent way of America.

Time to start another psycho week. I think I am looking at 62~65 hours. Yet another hideously exciting week.

Work = Life

Hours worked this week = 69
Hours paid this week = 57 (don't ask)
Amount of sleep this week = ~19

Due to my incredible stupidity I am working two jobs. My first job, my day job, is amazing. I work for a power company mowing lawns at the maine offices and such. I get to use a lawn mower that is worth more then my car....stellar. I also read meters, work with meters, and disconnect people's meters when they don't pay. The last part isn't so hot though. I go to people's houses and talk to them about their lack of payment. If they can pay, or if they can work out a payment arrangement with the main office, I don't have to disconnect their meter. But if they can't pay I have to disconnect it. This stinks...especially if there are kids in the house. The look on their face when they hear that the TV is going to be turning off is heart wrenching enough to out class most disney movies. The job gets even more exciting when the parents decide to let out their frustrations on the poor meter guy that was sent our to deliver the final warning. I never knew there were quite so many colorful adjectives that described me...or my face for that matter. Wonderful shades of red, purple, and orange appear on most people's faces when, in the midst of all their loving comments, I smile...wish them a glorious afternoon...and saunter over to my truck praying that no sharp objects are going to enter my thoracic cavity while I put on my saftey gear. I had one gentleman tell me several times, after I had spoken to him about his bill, that it would be so easy to end it all with a single bullet. Yeah...that just about ruined my day. The picture you see above is me on a good day.

My second job is cleaning area business. I clean up after people too good to do it for themselves. Now, I know that this probably isn't the most accurate appraisal of the situation, but what else do you want me to conclude after taking a bath in a gallon of old coffee someone decided would be a good candidate for the trash can for the third time in a row. It's not a terribly fun job. In fact, its downright horrid, but it pays the bills. As a result of this job I leave home at 7 am and return at ~11pm...LONG DAYS. I don't have time for anything else but sleeping when I am home. So, if I haven't talked you to my friends for a while or are late getting something to you...you know why.

It is currently ~11:16pm on a friday night and I am headed to bed. Wow, what a rousing life I live. Everyone else is out partying like squirrels on speed and here I too exhausted to reach across my desk to drink the last of my thai tea...pathetic.

So, this is my first blog. I have no idea what the crap I am going to be writing about but hey...seemed like a good idea at the time. I will proabably write about randomn meanful things I think other people might want to know about...or not.

Without any clue on how to start a blog....I will post a picture of my new neice. Everybody likes pictures of little babies so here ya go. I am so excited to be an uncle cause this kid is definately after my own heart. Fresh out bed with the tongue stuck out to the world. Yeehaa!