I know I've used this title for my sidebar...but it truly carries some meaning for me.
The past is funny. You want so vividly to remember some good thing, some redeeming factor (good or bad) that might validate the state you find yourself currently. The problem with this particular strategy is that you begin to twist the past into funny distorted versions of what actually happened. It is no doubt my past is subject to my bias. I simply refuse to admit there is no limit to my ability to twist it. I've been sifting through hundreds of pages I've saved from the last four years and I've discovered a vicious truth: the past will always change you. Every time you look back at it a little piece of you changes. With every AIM conversation I've saved, with every frantically scribbled page your perception changes from one of calm composed reflectance to truly regretful determination. The table turns now. I search desperately for a clue that I'm not the person that wrote those scribbled letters. That man who tried so hard to make the people he cared for understand that things weren't as simple as they appeared. Every solemn accusation and every word of hurt rings true as it ever did. If your not careful those words will drag you right back to the very time they were written. Those blurring moments when you walked out of an exam you know bent you over the table or even those sweaty palms that were left tightly gripping the pillow that was just thrown at you in contemptuous disgust.
Quite simply, if you get lost in the moments you can't do anything about then you've doomed any hope of a future where those moments aren't created. The past will change you. Every time you look back at it. Flowery moments of fleeting grace. Every blistering regret must be dealt with and sent away. Don't fear your past. It's the easiest way to drive over the same cliff you just spent the last 4 years climbing out of.
Personally, I'd rather only find out what my body does when I reach the bottom once.
So, I toss the papers that only feed the fuel of my despondence and learn from every puff of smoke as they waft away. The lessons are what you must carry.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Monday, June 08, 2009
Business Trips
Two weeks ago I encountered my first business trip. Haas sent me to Milford CT to become certified as a quality rep by Sikorsky helicopter. Rather, my official title just added "Designated Quality Representative for Sikorsky Helicopter Systems of United Technologies Corporation". What all of that foolishness actually means is I spent three days in a brand new hotel that charges 11 dollars for a bagel, sat through 24 hours of some of the most cumbersome, dry, and monstrously frustrating slides of detail after detail and thanked God for my ample imagination. I always knew the precision manufacture industry could be dry. These last few days enlightened me to a much more discouraging level. An example: Of the 150 reps in attendance, I was at least 10 years the junior of the rooms average age. I had the least complicated phone with, apparently, the least amount of desire to continually use it. Most amusingly, I was one of about ten people in the entire room I ever saw smile. In fact, my table of 8 were considered outcasts of the entire room...we laughed. During one project in which we had to decipher complicated spec drawings in groups, my table was stared at by every person in the room at least twice. A great feeling...really.
In short, I was sent to gain a title so I could be taught to do something completely unrelated. Bizarre I know. Just move on. What I gained from this experience was interestingly valuable. Firstly, I learned how you write down the instructions to assemble ultra precise flying machines. Levels upon levels of redundant instructions encumbered with often 6 separated quality checks or more come together in the thousands to build one section of a helicopter. Secondly, business trips are fun. Your shoved in a room full of people who'd rather be texting or managing and be given the privilege of watching them squirm as they try to make everyone think they already know this stuff. Positively entertaining.
Lastly, I learned that I enjoy learning. I enjoy creating knowledge. Making connections between multiple pieces of information that build together to make something completely different. This business trip freed me up to do just that. I was in attendance for the simple purpose to be given a title...not to retain any significant process or requirement. From this perspective, I was able to approach the subject and presentations my own way with my own questions. I didn't feel pressured to remember everything. Don't get me wrong. I now have rather good assembly of knowledge regarding industry and Sikorsky standards. I simply achieved that end result differently. I went in looking for ways to utilize the classes in my career, at Haas and beyond. A lesson I really wish I had picked up before college.
Here's to looking forward to more business trips full of golden bagels and unhappy manufacturers.
In short, I was sent to gain a title so I could be taught to do something completely unrelated. Bizarre I know. Just move on. What I gained from this experience was interestingly valuable. Firstly, I learned how you write down the instructions to assemble ultra precise flying machines. Levels upon levels of redundant instructions encumbered with often 6 separated quality checks or more come together in the thousands to build one section of a helicopter. Secondly, business trips are fun. Your shoved in a room full of people who'd rather be texting or managing and be given the privilege of watching them squirm as they try to make everyone think they already know this stuff. Positively entertaining.
Lastly, I learned that I enjoy learning. I enjoy creating knowledge. Making connections between multiple pieces of information that build together to make something completely different. This business trip freed me up to do just that. I was in attendance for the simple purpose to be given a title...not to retain any significant process or requirement. From this perspective, I was able to approach the subject and presentations my own way with my own questions. I didn't feel pressured to remember everything. Don't get me wrong. I now have rather good assembly of knowledge regarding industry and Sikorsky standards. I simply achieved that end result differently. I went in looking for ways to utilize the classes in my career, at Haas and beyond. A lesson I really wish I had picked up before college.
Here's to looking forward to more business trips full of golden bagels and unhappy manufacturers.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Travian Skills: Diplomacy
So, here might be an example of a skill that Travian facilitates. This is a message I sent a player dictating terms to him. I sincerely doubt I would have been able to put this together quite as effectively before I started Travian. I might be fooling myself...but who knows. Experience, training, and useful knowledge comes from the oddest of places.
----------------------<><><><><><><><><>----------------------------
XXXXXXXX,
I would be happy to offer you a personal non-aggression pact under the following terms:
---><
(1) One hour's total resource production (as allowable by travian policies) be delivered to 0.0 Nexus ( 158|92 ) Reinforcement Send resources once per day indefinitely. Significant cessation of this delivering will suspend the NAP and result in armed retaliation.
(2) I shall be notified of any further village settlements or village conquering within the 21x21 of 0.0 Nexus before said action occurs. Said actions will be subject to my approval.
(3) No overt or covert action of any kind shall be allowed against myself or my declared allies.
(4) Maintain the ability to reinforce any of my villages with defensive troops if so needed. Commitment need not be your total force anvil, but some resonable commitment made. If desired, this term may be morphed into a "gradual stationing" of defensive troops in my villages.
---<>
Any violation of the above terms without reasonable, competent and timely explanation shall be treated as an act of war.
While the above terms are adhered to you are officially my protectorate and subject to the benefits therein. Please post a note in your profile " Under Protection of Reclaimer" if you agree to these terms.
It would not be an unreasonable hope to forsee this tentative aggreement forming into a full alliance in the weeks to come. Keep this eventuality in mind. If the terms of this agreement are fulfilled and adhered to it may be decided to remove such requirements in light of an alliance action.
I welcome any further communication.
XXXXXXXXX
----------------------<><><><><><><><><>----------------------------
XXXXXXXX,
I would be happy to offer you a personal non-aggression pact under the following terms:
---><
(1) One hour's total resource production (as allowable by travian policies) be delivered to 0.0 Nexus ( 158|92 ) Reinforcement Send resources once per day indefinitely. Significant cessation of this delivering will suspend the NAP and result in armed retaliation.
(2) I shall be notified of any further village settlements or village conquering within the 21x21 of 0.0 Nexus before said action occurs. Said actions will be subject to my approval.
(3) No overt or covert action of any kind shall be allowed against myself or my declared allies.
(4) Maintain the ability to reinforce any of my villages with defensive troops if so needed. Commitment need not be your total force anvil, but some resonable commitment made. If desired, this term may be morphed into a "gradual stationing" of defensive troops in my villages.
---<>
Any violation of the above terms without reasonable, competent and timely explanation shall be treated as an act of war.
While the above terms are adhered to you are officially my protectorate and subject to the benefits therein. Please post a note in your profile " Under Protection of Reclaimer" if you agree to these terms.
It would not be an unreasonable hope to forsee this tentative aggreement forming into a full alliance in the weeks to come. Keep this eventuality in mind. If the terms of this agreement are fulfilled and adhered to it may be decided to remove such requirements in light of an alliance action.
I welcome any further communication.
XXXXXXXXX
Current Obsession: Travian
I'm prone to Obsessions. Hobbies, subjects, work...it never ends. It's one of the ways I learn. I'll pick up an interest, live and breath that interest for a while and, most often, it will eventually fall away. If it turns out to be something really worth my time and I feel I'm developing some skill or gaining some experience from this obsession I'll let it continue.
My current obsession: Travian
Travian is best described as a real-time, large scale, text based, MMORPG (Massively Multilayer Role Playing Game). Developed originally by some Germans, this game is played on every continent. In Travian, you are a regional lord of a medieval civilization. You are in charge of managing resources, growing your cities, building and utilizing your armies. At first glance...it's quite simple to play. Most of the game is a balance of numbers. The true intricacy of Travian comes in it's necessary involvement and integration of player to player teamwork. You must have diplomatic skills to stay alive in this game. Game servers run for a little over a year. Which means, if you play a full server, you are responsible for your cities, armies, and developing diplomatic ties that last a year. The depth that interpersonal interactions, negotiations, and extreme leadership responsibilities is almost frightening. If you take a leadership role in travian it is a full time job. You are in charge of entire alliances, alliance level diplomatic negotiations, individual players...everything. There are entire command structures in every alliance. The reality is...if your not in an alliance who is organized, well led, and your an active part of the alliance...you will get nowhere in this game.
I know it sounds silly but if you take an active part in Travian, you will develop and incredible amount of skills. Everything from resource management, military strategy, diplomatic maneuvering, negotiations, teamwork, leadership, prioritization, and humility. Believe me: if you do not engage in developing these skills you will see months of work destroyed in a week by a player with a bigger army than you.
What truly intrigues me about Travian is the sheer scale of this game. Unlike World of Warcraft (another obsession that literally and regrettably took over my life for a summer) where you have a lot of places to go and a sea of people just running around completing quests and instances, Travian involves 15,000 people a server. You need to manage details from how much wheat your troops have to eat in one of your 20 cities, all the way up to whether this message your about to send to this diplomat will plunge your alliance of 400 players into a brutal war with another alliance. The servers are always running and always live. So, you could be driving back from work without a worry in the world and a 10,000 man army could be marching towrad one of your cities. This level a stress is not for everyone. In WOW, when you log out...your player is no longer in the world. So nothing happens to your character when you not around. In Travian, your always at risk, always growing, always on your toes. My girlfriend, for example, loves the game, but could not handle having to always have the well being and status of her cities in the back of her head 24/7. Always being tied to whether she could get to a computer several times a day to keep things rolling. This is the only downside to Travian. There is no pause button. When you commit to Travian you commit to leading your cities for a year plus. In term's of games, that's huge.
I've now played Travian for about a year and a half now. I've been on 4 different servers and currently manage two servers right now. At minimum, I can get away with only committing about 45 min a day to my two accounts. Tonight, I plan on sitting down with two other players and beating out a battle strategy for an offensive this week. That will take 3 or 4 hours. If I were involved in alliance leadership wholesale...I would be required to commit upwards of 4 hours a day just to keep current.
Like any other game, Travian is only what you want it to be. If you let it, it will expand and fill every part of your life. (Dangerous for people wanting to mentally run away from real-life). Whoops, do I sound like I know how that works? My bad. Travian is a game and a means. A means for having fun, and developing some serious skills. For me, right now, it's a means to exact my sadistic megalomaniacal pleasure tendancies and maybe, just maybe, learn how to better organize my thoughts and interpersonal skills. I know it sounds like a stretch, but it just might work.
My current obsession: Travian
Travian is best described as a real-time, large scale, text based, MMORPG (Massively Multilayer Role Playing Game). Developed originally by some Germans, this game is played on every continent. In Travian, you are a regional lord of a medieval civilization. You are in charge of managing resources, growing your cities, building and utilizing your armies. At first glance...it's quite simple to play. Most of the game is a balance of numbers. The true intricacy of Travian comes in it's necessary involvement and integration of player to player teamwork. You must have diplomatic skills to stay alive in this game. Game servers run for a little over a year. Which means, if you play a full server, you are responsible for your cities, armies, and developing diplomatic ties that last a year. The depth that interpersonal interactions, negotiations, and extreme leadership responsibilities is almost frightening. If you take a leadership role in travian it is a full time job. You are in charge of entire alliances, alliance level diplomatic negotiations, individual players...everything. There are entire command structures in every alliance. The reality is...if your not in an alliance who is organized, well led, and your an active part of the alliance...you will get nowhere in this game.
I know it sounds silly but if you take an active part in Travian, you will develop and incredible amount of skills. Everything from resource management, military strategy, diplomatic maneuvering, negotiations, teamwork, leadership, prioritization, and humility. Believe me: if you do not engage in developing these skills you will see months of work destroyed in a week by a player with a bigger army than you.
What truly intrigues me about Travian is the sheer scale of this game. Unlike World of Warcraft (another obsession that literally and regrettably took over my life for a summer) where you have a lot of places to go and a sea of people just running around completing quests and instances, Travian involves 15,000 people a server. You need to manage details from how much wheat your troops have to eat in one of your 20 cities, all the way up to whether this message your about to send to this diplomat will plunge your alliance of 400 players into a brutal war with another alliance. The servers are always running and always live. So, you could be driving back from work without a worry in the world and a 10,000 man army could be marching towrad one of your cities. This level a stress is not for everyone. In WOW, when you log out...your player is no longer in the world. So nothing happens to your character when you not around. In Travian, your always at risk, always growing, always on your toes. My girlfriend, for example, loves the game, but could not handle having to always have the well being and status of her cities in the back of her head 24/7. Always being tied to whether she could get to a computer several times a day to keep things rolling. This is the only downside to Travian. There is no pause button. When you commit to Travian you commit to leading your cities for a year plus. In term's of games, that's huge.
I've now played Travian for about a year and a half now. I've been on 4 different servers and currently manage two servers right now. At minimum, I can get away with only committing about 45 min a day to my two accounts. Tonight, I plan on sitting down with two other players and beating out a battle strategy for an offensive this week. That will take 3 or 4 hours. If I were involved in alliance leadership wholesale...I would be required to commit upwards of 4 hours a day just to keep current.
Like any other game, Travian is only what you want it to be. If you let it, it will expand and fill every part of your life. (Dangerous for people wanting to mentally run away from real-life). Whoops, do I sound like I know how that works? My bad. Travian is a game and a means. A means for having fun, and developing some serious skills. For me, right now, it's a means to exact my sadistic megalomaniacal pleasure tendancies and maybe, just maybe, learn how to better organize my thoughts and interpersonal skills. I know it sounds like a stretch, but it just might work.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Reprise: An Awkward Rebirth
I've been toying for a while whether to start this up again or not. I'm quite sure that anyone who checked the blog regularly in the past does so no longer, but it's a whimsical desire to write with the off chance it might start cogs turning in someone else's head. Maybe...just maybe a worthwhile discussion will ensue. Though mostly, this round is purely theraputic.
Enjoy at your own risk.
This time, I'm changing the rules. I'm not making apologies for anything I write here. Previously, the drama ensueing from other folks reading between the lines in places I never intented to have people do so, in addition to the,"he said! she said! you said!" phenomina is ridiculous. Grow up. If I write it here it's because I thought it important in some manner that it be included. I didn't start this blog to insult and demean people I don't like or agree with. If you want to measure your self worth by my blog...well...good luck. If your absolutely sure I blatently insulted your religon or life choices I'm sorry. I didn't intend this. The way to not pursue that gripe is a flamming email or barging into my room on a sunday afternoon guns blazing.
That said, The intended purpose here is to be a place where I can hang out some ideas, talk about some life events, current obsessions, writings, aspirations, what have you in a relaxed environment. I know the family liked to read up here in order to keep in touch. Comments, discussions, thoughts and such are welcome.
If it isn't evident I've grown up a lot since I started writing here. I've sludged through many rivers full of unfortunate hazardous waste to get to where I am. I hope that development reflects in what I post here. That sounds dreary...ummm let me try again.
I'll admit it now: I'm a self-proclaimed pragmatist, realist, cynic, pessimist, and closet masochist (see Phycial Chemistry). If I missed any "ist" descriptors here let me know. I still deceive myself everyone in a while by describing my outlook on life as optimistic. In fact, I'm more of a back-door optimist. -As soon as I figure out exactly what that means I'll let you know- My outlook has gone from depressed defeatist, in general, to a sultry mix of passive aggressive, back-woods cynisism with a hint of new day enthusiasm. Big jump if you ask me.
There is more to come.
Enjoy at your own risk.
This time, I'm changing the rules. I'm not making apologies for anything I write here. Previously, the drama ensueing from other folks reading between the lines in places I never intented to have people do so, in addition to the,"he said! she said! you said!" phenomina is ridiculous. Grow up. If I write it here it's because I thought it important in some manner that it be included. I didn't start this blog to insult and demean people I don't like or agree with. If you want to measure your self worth by my blog...well...good luck. If your absolutely sure I blatently insulted your religon or life choices I'm sorry. I didn't intend this. The way to not pursue that gripe is a flamming email or barging into my room on a sunday afternoon guns blazing.
That said, The intended purpose here is to be a place where I can hang out some ideas, talk about some life events, current obsessions, writings, aspirations, what have you in a relaxed environment. I know the family liked to read up here in order to keep in touch. Comments, discussions, thoughts and such are welcome.
If it isn't evident I've grown up a lot since I started writing here. I've sludged through many rivers full of unfortunate hazardous waste to get to where I am. I hope that development reflects in what I post here. That sounds dreary...ummm let me try again.
I'll admit it now: I'm a self-proclaimed pragmatist, realist, cynic, pessimist, and closet masochist (see Phycial Chemistry). If I missed any "ist" descriptors here let me know. I still deceive myself everyone in a while by describing my outlook on life as optimistic. In fact, I'm more of a back-door optimist. -As soon as I figure out exactly what that means I'll let you know- My outlook has gone from depressed defeatist, in general, to a sultry mix of passive aggressive, back-woods cynisism with a hint of new day enthusiasm. Big jump if you ask me.
There is more to come.
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