I know I've used this title for my sidebar...but it truly carries some meaning for me.
The past is funny. You want so vividly to remember some good thing, some redeeming factor (good or bad) that might validate the state you find yourself currently. The problem with this particular strategy is that you begin to twist the past into funny distorted versions of what actually happened. It is no doubt my past is subject to my bias. I simply refuse to admit there is no limit to my ability to twist it. I've been sifting through hundreds of pages I've saved from the last four years and I've discovered a vicious truth: the past will always change you. Every time you look back at it a little piece of you changes. With every AIM conversation I've saved, with every frantically scribbled page your perception changes from one of calm composed reflectance to truly regretful determination. The table turns now. I search desperately for a clue that I'm not the person that wrote those scribbled letters. That man who tried so hard to make the people he cared for understand that things weren't as simple as they appeared. Every solemn accusation and every word of hurt rings true as it ever did. If your not careful those words will drag you right back to the very time they were written. Those blurring moments when you walked out of an exam you know bent you over the table or even those sweaty palms that were left tightly gripping the pillow that was just thrown at you in contemptuous disgust.
Quite simply, if you get lost in the moments you can't do anything about then you've doomed any hope of a future where those moments aren't created. The past will change you. Every time you look back at it. Flowery moments of fleeting grace. Every blistering regret must be dealt with and sent away. Don't fear your past. It's the easiest way to drive over the same cliff you just spent the last 4 years climbing out of.
Personally, I'd rather only find out what my body does when I reach the bottom once.
So, I toss the papers that only feed the fuel of my despondence and learn from every puff of smoke as they waft away. The lessons are what you must carry.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Monday, June 08, 2009
Business Trips
Two weeks ago I encountered my first business trip. Haas sent me to Milford CT to become certified as a quality rep by Sikorsky helicopter. Rather, my official title just added "Designated Quality Representative for Sikorsky Helicopter Systems of United Technologies Corporation". What all of that foolishness actually means is I spent three days in a brand new hotel that charges 11 dollars for a bagel, sat through 24 hours of some of the most cumbersome, dry, and monstrously frustrating slides of detail after detail and thanked God for my ample imagination. I always knew the precision manufacture industry could be dry. These last few days enlightened me to a much more discouraging level. An example: Of the 150 reps in attendance, I was at least 10 years the junior of the rooms average age. I had the least complicated phone with, apparently, the least amount of desire to continually use it. Most amusingly, I was one of about ten people in the entire room I ever saw smile. In fact, my table of 8 were considered outcasts of the entire room...we laughed. During one project in which we had to decipher complicated spec drawings in groups, my table was stared at by every person in the room at least twice. A great feeling...really.
In short, I was sent to gain a title so I could be taught to do something completely unrelated. Bizarre I know. Just move on. What I gained from this experience was interestingly valuable. Firstly, I learned how you write down the instructions to assemble ultra precise flying machines. Levels upon levels of redundant instructions encumbered with often 6 separated quality checks or more come together in the thousands to build one section of a helicopter. Secondly, business trips are fun. Your shoved in a room full of people who'd rather be texting or managing and be given the privilege of watching them squirm as they try to make everyone think they already know this stuff. Positively entertaining.
Lastly, I learned that I enjoy learning. I enjoy creating knowledge. Making connections between multiple pieces of information that build together to make something completely different. This business trip freed me up to do just that. I was in attendance for the simple purpose to be given a title...not to retain any significant process or requirement. From this perspective, I was able to approach the subject and presentations my own way with my own questions. I didn't feel pressured to remember everything. Don't get me wrong. I now have rather good assembly of knowledge regarding industry and Sikorsky standards. I simply achieved that end result differently. I went in looking for ways to utilize the classes in my career, at Haas and beyond. A lesson I really wish I had picked up before college.
Here's to looking forward to more business trips full of golden bagels and unhappy manufacturers.
In short, I was sent to gain a title so I could be taught to do something completely unrelated. Bizarre I know. Just move on. What I gained from this experience was interestingly valuable. Firstly, I learned how you write down the instructions to assemble ultra precise flying machines. Levels upon levels of redundant instructions encumbered with often 6 separated quality checks or more come together in the thousands to build one section of a helicopter. Secondly, business trips are fun. Your shoved in a room full of people who'd rather be texting or managing and be given the privilege of watching them squirm as they try to make everyone think they already know this stuff. Positively entertaining.
Lastly, I learned that I enjoy learning. I enjoy creating knowledge. Making connections between multiple pieces of information that build together to make something completely different. This business trip freed me up to do just that. I was in attendance for the simple purpose to be given a title...not to retain any significant process or requirement. From this perspective, I was able to approach the subject and presentations my own way with my own questions. I didn't feel pressured to remember everything. Don't get me wrong. I now have rather good assembly of knowledge regarding industry and Sikorsky standards. I simply achieved that end result differently. I went in looking for ways to utilize the classes in my career, at Haas and beyond. A lesson I really wish I had picked up before college.
Here's to looking forward to more business trips full of golden bagels and unhappy manufacturers.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Travian Skills: Diplomacy
So, here might be an example of a skill that Travian facilitates. This is a message I sent a player dictating terms to him. I sincerely doubt I would have been able to put this together quite as effectively before I started Travian. I might be fooling myself...but who knows. Experience, training, and useful knowledge comes from the oddest of places.
----------------------<><><><><><><><><>----------------------------
XXXXXXXX,
I would be happy to offer you a personal non-aggression pact under the following terms:
---><
(1) One hour's total resource production (as allowable by travian policies) be delivered to 0.0 Nexus ( 158|92 ) Reinforcement Send resources once per day indefinitely. Significant cessation of this delivering will suspend the NAP and result in armed retaliation.
(2) I shall be notified of any further village settlements or village conquering within the 21x21 of 0.0 Nexus before said action occurs. Said actions will be subject to my approval.
(3) No overt or covert action of any kind shall be allowed against myself or my declared allies.
(4) Maintain the ability to reinforce any of my villages with defensive troops if so needed. Commitment need not be your total force anvil, but some resonable commitment made. If desired, this term may be morphed into a "gradual stationing" of defensive troops in my villages.
---<>
Any violation of the above terms without reasonable, competent and timely explanation shall be treated as an act of war.
While the above terms are adhered to you are officially my protectorate and subject to the benefits therein. Please post a note in your profile " Under Protection of Reclaimer" if you agree to these terms.
It would not be an unreasonable hope to forsee this tentative aggreement forming into a full alliance in the weeks to come. Keep this eventuality in mind. If the terms of this agreement are fulfilled and adhered to it may be decided to remove such requirements in light of an alliance action.
I welcome any further communication.
XXXXXXXXX
----------------------<><><><><><><><><>----------------------------
XXXXXXXX,
I would be happy to offer you a personal non-aggression pact under the following terms:
---><
(1) One hour's total resource production (as allowable by travian policies) be delivered to 0.0 Nexus ( 158|92 ) Reinforcement Send resources once per day indefinitely. Significant cessation of this delivering will suspend the NAP and result in armed retaliation.
(2) I shall be notified of any further village settlements or village conquering within the 21x21 of 0.0 Nexus before said action occurs. Said actions will be subject to my approval.
(3) No overt or covert action of any kind shall be allowed against myself or my declared allies.
(4) Maintain the ability to reinforce any of my villages with defensive troops if so needed. Commitment need not be your total force anvil, but some resonable commitment made. If desired, this term may be morphed into a "gradual stationing" of defensive troops in my villages.
---<>
Any violation of the above terms without reasonable, competent and timely explanation shall be treated as an act of war.
While the above terms are adhered to you are officially my protectorate and subject to the benefits therein. Please post a note in your profile " Under Protection of Reclaimer" if you agree to these terms.
It would not be an unreasonable hope to forsee this tentative aggreement forming into a full alliance in the weeks to come. Keep this eventuality in mind. If the terms of this agreement are fulfilled and adhered to it may be decided to remove such requirements in light of an alliance action.
I welcome any further communication.
XXXXXXXXX
Current Obsession: Travian
I'm prone to Obsessions. Hobbies, subjects, work...it never ends. It's one of the ways I learn. I'll pick up an interest, live and breath that interest for a while and, most often, it will eventually fall away. If it turns out to be something really worth my time and I feel I'm developing some skill or gaining some experience from this obsession I'll let it continue.
My current obsession: Travian
Travian is best described as a real-time, large scale, text based, MMORPG (Massively Multilayer Role Playing Game). Developed originally by some Germans, this game is played on every continent. In Travian, you are a regional lord of a medieval civilization. You are in charge of managing resources, growing your cities, building and utilizing your armies. At first glance...it's quite simple to play. Most of the game is a balance of numbers. The true intricacy of Travian comes in it's necessary involvement and integration of player to player teamwork. You must have diplomatic skills to stay alive in this game. Game servers run for a little over a year. Which means, if you play a full server, you are responsible for your cities, armies, and developing diplomatic ties that last a year. The depth that interpersonal interactions, negotiations, and extreme leadership responsibilities is almost frightening. If you take a leadership role in travian it is a full time job. You are in charge of entire alliances, alliance level diplomatic negotiations, individual players...everything. There are entire command structures in every alliance. The reality is...if your not in an alliance who is organized, well led, and your an active part of the alliance...you will get nowhere in this game.
I know it sounds silly but if you take an active part in Travian, you will develop and incredible amount of skills. Everything from resource management, military strategy, diplomatic maneuvering, negotiations, teamwork, leadership, prioritization, and humility. Believe me: if you do not engage in developing these skills you will see months of work destroyed in a week by a player with a bigger army than you.
What truly intrigues me about Travian is the sheer scale of this game. Unlike World of Warcraft (another obsession that literally and regrettably took over my life for a summer) where you have a lot of places to go and a sea of people just running around completing quests and instances, Travian involves 15,000 people a server. You need to manage details from how much wheat your troops have to eat in one of your 20 cities, all the way up to whether this message your about to send to this diplomat will plunge your alliance of 400 players into a brutal war with another alliance. The servers are always running and always live. So, you could be driving back from work without a worry in the world and a 10,000 man army could be marching towrad one of your cities. This level a stress is not for everyone. In WOW, when you log out...your player is no longer in the world. So nothing happens to your character when you not around. In Travian, your always at risk, always growing, always on your toes. My girlfriend, for example, loves the game, but could not handle having to always have the well being and status of her cities in the back of her head 24/7. Always being tied to whether she could get to a computer several times a day to keep things rolling. This is the only downside to Travian. There is no pause button. When you commit to Travian you commit to leading your cities for a year plus. In term's of games, that's huge.
I've now played Travian for about a year and a half now. I've been on 4 different servers and currently manage two servers right now. At minimum, I can get away with only committing about 45 min a day to my two accounts. Tonight, I plan on sitting down with two other players and beating out a battle strategy for an offensive this week. That will take 3 or 4 hours. If I were involved in alliance leadership wholesale...I would be required to commit upwards of 4 hours a day just to keep current.
Like any other game, Travian is only what you want it to be. If you let it, it will expand and fill every part of your life. (Dangerous for people wanting to mentally run away from real-life). Whoops, do I sound like I know how that works? My bad. Travian is a game and a means. A means for having fun, and developing some serious skills. For me, right now, it's a means to exact my sadistic megalomaniacal pleasure tendancies and maybe, just maybe, learn how to better organize my thoughts and interpersonal skills. I know it sounds like a stretch, but it just might work.
My current obsession: Travian
Travian is best described as a real-time, large scale, text based, MMORPG (Massively Multilayer Role Playing Game). Developed originally by some Germans, this game is played on every continent. In Travian, you are a regional lord of a medieval civilization. You are in charge of managing resources, growing your cities, building and utilizing your armies. At first glance...it's quite simple to play. Most of the game is a balance of numbers. The true intricacy of Travian comes in it's necessary involvement and integration of player to player teamwork. You must have diplomatic skills to stay alive in this game. Game servers run for a little over a year. Which means, if you play a full server, you are responsible for your cities, armies, and developing diplomatic ties that last a year. The depth that interpersonal interactions, negotiations, and extreme leadership responsibilities is almost frightening. If you take a leadership role in travian it is a full time job. You are in charge of entire alliances, alliance level diplomatic negotiations, individual players...everything. There are entire command structures in every alliance. The reality is...if your not in an alliance who is organized, well led, and your an active part of the alliance...you will get nowhere in this game.
I know it sounds silly but if you take an active part in Travian, you will develop and incredible amount of skills. Everything from resource management, military strategy, diplomatic maneuvering, negotiations, teamwork, leadership, prioritization, and humility. Believe me: if you do not engage in developing these skills you will see months of work destroyed in a week by a player with a bigger army than you.
What truly intrigues me about Travian is the sheer scale of this game. Unlike World of Warcraft (another obsession that literally and regrettably took over my life for a summer) where you have a lot of places to go and a sea of people just running around completing quests and instances, Travian involves 15,000 people a server. You need to manage details from how much wheat your troops have to eat in one of your 20 cities, all the way up to whether this message your about to send to this diplomat will plunge your alliance of 400 players into a brutal war with another alliance. The servers are always running and always live. So, you could be driving back from work without a worry in the world and a 10,000 man army could be marching towrad one of your cities. This level a stress is not for everyone. In WOW, when you log out...your player is no longer in the world. So nothing happens to your character when you not around. In Travian, your always at risk, always growing, always on your toes. My girlfriend, for example, loves the game, but could not handle having to always have the well being and status of her cities in the back of her head 24/7. Always being tied to whether she could get to a computer several times a day to keep things rolling. This is the only downside to Travian. There is no pause button. When you commit to Travian you commit to leading your cities for a year plus. In term's of games, that's huge.
I've now played Travian for about a year and a half now. I've been on 4 different servers and currently manage two servers right now. At minimum, I can get away with only committing about 45 min a day to my two accounts. Tonight, I plan on sitting down with two other players and beating out a battle strategy for an offensive this week. That will take 3 or 4 hours. If I were involved in alliance leadership wholesale...I would be required to commit upwards of 4 hours a day just to keep current.
Like any other game, Travian is only what you want it to be. If you let it, it will expand and fill every part of your life. (Dangerous for people wanting to mentally run away from real-life). Whoops, do I sound like I know how that works? My bad. Travian is a game and a means. A means for having fun, and developing some serious skills. For me, right now, it's a means to exact my sadistic megalomaniacal pleasure tendancies and maybe, just maybe, learn how to better organize my thoughts and interpersonal skills. I know it sounds like a stretch, but it just might work.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Reprise: An Awkward Rebirth
I've been toying for a while whether to start this up again or not. I'm quite sure that anyone who checked the blog regularly in the past does so no longer, but it's a whimsical desire to write with the off chance it might start cogs turning in someone else's head. Maybe...just maybe a worthwhile discussion will ensue. Though mostly, this round is purely theraputic.
Enjoy at your own risk.
This time, I'm changing the rules. I'm not making apologies for anything I write here. Previously, the drama ensueing from other folks reading between the lines in places I never intented to have people do so, in addition to the,"he said! she said! you said!" phenomina is ridiculous. Grow up. If I write it here it's because I thought it important in some manner that it be included. I didn't start this blog to insult and demean people I don't like or agree with. If you want to measure your self worth by my blog...well...good luck. If your absolutely sure I blatently insulted your religon or life choices I'm sorry. I didn't intend this. The way to not pursue that gripe is a flamming email or barging into my room on a sunday afternoon guns blazing.
That said, The intended purpose here is to be a place where I can hang out some ideas, talk about some life events, current obsessions, writings, aspirations, what have you in a relaxed environment. I know the family liked to read up here in order to keep in touch. Comments, discussions, thoughts and such are welcome.
If it isn't evident I've grown up a lot since I started writing here. I've sludged through many rivers full of unfortunate hazardous waste to get to where I am. I hope that development reflects in what I post here. That sounds dreary...ummm let me try again.
I'll admit it now: I'm a self-proclaimed pragmatist, realist, cynic, pessimist, and closet masochist (see Phycial Chemistry). If I missed any "ist" descriptors here let me know. I still deceive myself everyone in a while by describing my outlook on life as optimistic. In fact, I'm more of a back-door optimist. -As soon as I figure out exactly what that means I'll let you know- My outlook has gone from depressed defeatist, in general, to a sultry mix of passive aggressive, back-woods cynisism with a hint of new day enthusiasm. Big jump if you ask me.
There is more to come.
Enjoy at your own risk.
This time, I'm changing the rules. I'm not making apologies for anything I write here. Previously, the drama ensueing from other folks reading between the lines in places I never intented to have people do so, in addition to the,"he said! she said! you said!" phenomina is ridiculous. Grow up. If I write it here it's because I thought it important in some manner that it be included. I didn't start this blog to insult and demean people I don't like or agree with. If you want to measure your self worth by my blog...well...good luck. If your absolutely sure I blatently insulted your religon or life choices I'm sorry. I didn't intend this. The way to not pursue that gripe is a flamming email or barging into my room on a sunday afternoon guns blazing.
That said, The intended purpose here is to be a place where I can hang out some ideas, talk about some life events, current obsessions, writings, aspirations, what have you in a relaxed environment. I know the family liked to read up here in order to keep in touch. Comments, discussions, thoughts and such are welcome.
If it isn't evident I've grown up a lot since I started writing here. I've sludged through many rivers full of unfortunate hazardous waste to get to where I am. I hope that development reflects in what I post here. That sounds dreary...ummm let me try again.
I'll admit it now: I'm a self-proclaimed pragmatist, realist, cynic, pessimist, and closet masochist (see Phycial Chemistry). If I missed any "ist" descriptors here let me know. I still deceive myself everyone in a while by describing my outlook on life as optimistic. In fact, I'm more of a back-door optimist. -As soon as I figure out exactly what that means I'll let you know- My outlook has gone from depressed defeatist, in general, to a sultry mix of passive aggressive, back-woods cynisism with a hint of new day enthusiasm. Big jump if you ask me.
There is more to come.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Striking the "Industry"
It's glorious. One of the most auspicious and bloated industries to exist actually chose to strike for money. Now, I know that the people actually suffering in this whole deal are the make-up artists and support staff and I am truly sorry for them that they have been caught between the writer's and the production studio's greed. One thing I did notice was...I haven't heard a huge outcry from the average American for the strike to end. No riots, no anything. If doctors struck...or if police officers struck, the outcry would be painful. I'm wondering if this strike could actually serve a purpose. One, help people gain a perspective of their industry. The world likes to be entertained by the tv, but they don't need you. There are better options. Second, this might be an eye opening opportunity for people to realize that tv isn't all there is to life. Why, I heard a guy on the radio say he's been interviewing people that are saying that they have been reading books more...BOOKS. Who would have thought that BOOKS could be fun too! As elated as I am that this strike is occurring, I know that no industry which pulls in the revenue tv does can never die. A sobering truth...yes. I'd be happy if just one kid, disappointed with reruns of his favorite drama or kid's show flipped to the discovery channel, saw people trying and testing theories while learning all they can about the subject...and ran outside to walmart to give it a go. Lethargic on the couch, or learning about pressure:volume work while scaring the tar out of the neighbor's dog; you decide.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
The only candidates I like aren't going to win
I've been thinking about the effect media has on the presidential races. The media reports and places emphasis on the candidates that are mentioned most by voters. They interview and hound those who have the best numbers in their "polls". So, if a candidate is best qualified but not known...he has to break through the media block and start making himself known. This...without stupid amounts of money is impossible. But without people knowing about you...you can't raise this much money. Your party won't help you because their interested in who is most "electable". They don't want to waste their money on a candidate who doesn't look like they are going to win. They aren't concerned about the candidate's policies or character...they are solely in the game to win. As long as the people in America are voting for our party we don't need to pour money into your campaign. This brings about an interesting phenomenon of people not wanting to "waste" their vote. People begin to realize how the party works, and strangely begin to focus on who they don't want in office. I don't think its so much "my party must win" this round...but "I don't want XXX from the other party to win". So, instead of voting for the candidate in their party that they like most they vote for the candidate of their party who is most electable...most likely the candidate that their party thinks has the best chance to win...most likely the candidate the media is whooping and hollering about. Strangely enough...this candidate is the one people then talk about the most when asked by the media; so on and so forth. Combine this phenomena with the one where people are subconsciously conditioned to vote along party lines simply because THE PARTY!! THE PARTY!! has been pounded into our society for the last 200 years and you have a multi-faceted multi-layered system for locking out candidates who don't play the game of politics. Where does this leave me? I'm an independent, which means I'm not partisan. I vote for the person I think can make the calls and perform the best under the enormous stresses our president is placed under AND the one who I think can sift through thousands of pieces of information WITH their advisors and work seamlessly together with them to make the decisions necessary for our country. This last qualification, I feel, discounts Giuliani, Romney, Obama, McCain and Clinton. Who do I like? Bill Richardson and Ron Paul. Two candidates no one knows about and who will never win. What to do? I do feel the need to make my vote "count" but what is that. Is it pride saying that I'd better vote for the candidate who will win or I'll look bad? I’m not sure. All I know is that I had to go digging on the internet to find a list of all the candidates running. Every news station…including NPR…only lists or even mentions the first two or three candidates. I’m getting kind of fed up with the way the media is driving this election. It started out promising…multiple candidates with a huge variety of views. Though, in the end, partisan politics and media knuckle-headedness have again ruined another potential opportunity for AMERICA to choose the best suited leader. While we all know democracies don’t actually work…it be nice to have a republic that felt more like a democratic republic than a aristocratic one.
Other random thoughts:
I like electric paint shakers. I can get a whole body deep massage with just one can of paint!
Today, I heard Hillary use the line after winning Nevada, “ So, I guess that’s how the west was one,” oye…I don’t need to president that uses lines.
Other random thoughts:
I like electric paint shakers. I can get a whole body deep massage with just one can of paint!
Today, I heard Hillary use the line after winning Nevada, “ So, I guess that’s how the west was one,” oye…I don’t need to president that uses lines.
Monday, January 07, 2008
Perception of a Realization
Incredibly, I've managed to go, yet again, an unimaginable amount of time without posting. Now, while I'm quite well aware than many of you can imagine me ignoring important aspects of communication without impunity for many weeks...I continue to impress myself with my incognizant apathy on the subject. Nothing this obviously stirring yet unsettling could go unanalyzed so I've developed a theory. I like to communicate. Communication takes significant effort to perform. Adding the overbearing weight of writing on things yet not understood on subjects that can be easily linked, at least inwardly, to happenings yet still very sore and mal-aligned it can be easily determined that the writing of these, and other, things simply does not occur at all. In short...I've determined...when I don't want to do something I either get lazy or get busy somewhere else. Sounds simple right? It's paramount that you don't lose your perception of this small discovery. I'm likely to spend the better part of the month figuring out how it has, is, and will affect my everyday decisions. Determining how this realization has effected the great big huge decisions of my life will more than likely take a great deal longer, or a room full of psychologists.
I've discovered that writing on the blog is really good for me. I realize most people probably don't even check this anymore, but this form of public accountability forces me to process and admit that I don't understand something...or in fact simply admitting something occurred in the first place. That sounds mundane I know. My brain is progressive and quantized. If I talk about little things freely, my defenses are more likely to drop when the need comes to talk about something more difficult or important. This occurs in jumps though...or packets. I'll make a big decision one place only to be muddled for a good while on simpler things. Then, out of the blue, discover a solution to a struggle I've been working on for a long time.
I'm going to hopefully just start putting things up here about my life, frustrations, joys, interests, ponderings and such in an attempt to both remain honest to myself and others...but to also give those people who don't have time to keep reacquainting with me all the time a glimpse into the life of a friend. I know some people read what I write, get offended, and storm into my room all guns blazing. Please, this is just a way for me to express feelings, thoughts, and events. There is no need to be up in arms. If you actually knew me you'd know that storming at me with guns blazing is the fasted way to an unpleasant and most likely concussivly maligned experience. Or, rather, the fastest way to get me to walk away. I hate walking away...because it takes me a stupid long time for my to walk back, so, please, if you have something to say...do so with mutual respect and...if its something really really important that struck you deep...bring a pizza and some beers.
A ton of things have changed in the last few months. Some things, I never saw coming. Some, I never dreamed would ever come true. Still others...left me sitting there going...hmmph. I feel like my perspective is changing just a tad. Its funny how such a simple realization of communicative apathy changes ones entire outlook. Bear with me as I work out all the kinks.
Anyhow, I hope your Christmas and New Year went well and that your outlook on the coming year is as powerful as your regret for screwing up the last one.
I've discovered that writing on the blog is really good for me. I realize most people probably don't even check this anymore, but this form of public accountability forces me to process and admit that I don't understand something...or in fact simply admitting something occurred in the first place. That sounds mundane I know. My brain is progressive and quantized. If I talk about little things freely, my defenses are more likely to drop when the need comes to talk about something more difficult or important. This occurs in jumps though...or packets. I'll make a big decision one place only to be muddled for a good while on simpler things. Then, out of the blue, discover a solution to a struggle I've been working on for a long time.
I'm going to hopefully just start putting things up here about my life, frustrations, joys, interests, ponderings and such in an attempt to both remain honest to myself and others...but to also give those people who don't have time to keep reacquainting with me all the time a glimpse into the life of a friend. I know some people read what I write, get offended, and storm into my room all guns blazing. Please, this is just a way for me to express feelings, thoughts, and events. There is no need to be up in arms. If you actually knew me you'd know that storming at me with guns blazing is the fasted way to an unpleasant and most likely concussivly maligned experience. Or, rather, the fastest way to get me to walk away. I hate walking away...because it takes me a stupid long time for my to walk back, so, please, if you have something to say...do so with mutual respect and...if its something really really important that struck you deep...bring a pizza and some beers.
A ton of things have changed in the last few months. Some things, I never saw coming. Some, I never dreamed would ever come true. Still others...left me sitting there going...hmmph. I feel like my perspective is changing just a tad. Its funny how such a simple realization of communicative apathy changes ones entire outlook. Bear with me as I work out all the kinks.
Anyhow, I hope your Christmas and New Year went well and that your outlook on the coming year is as powerful as your regret for screwing up the last one.
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