Perception of a Realization

Incredibly, I've managed to go, yet again, an unimaginable amount of time without posting. Now, while I'm quite well aware than many of you can imagine me ignoring important aspects of communication without impunity for many weeks...I continue to impress myself with my incognizant apathy on the subject. Nothing this obviously stirring yet unsettling could go unanalyzed so I've developed a theory. I like to communicate. Communication takes significant effort to perform. Adding the overbearing weight of writing on things yet not understood on subjects that can be easily linked, at least inwardly, to happenings yet still very sore and mal-aligned it can be easily determined that the writing of these, and other, things simply does not occur at all. In short...I've determined...when I don't want to do something I either get lazy or get busy somewhere else. Sounds simple right? It's paramount that you don't lose your perception of this small discovery. I'm likely to spend the better part of the month figuring out how it has, is, and will affect my everyday decisions. Determining how this realization has effected the great big huge decisions of my life will more than likely take a great deal longer, or a room full of psychologists.

I've discovered that writing on the blog is really good for me. I realize most people probably don't even check this anymore, but this form of public accountability forces me to process and admit that I don't understand something...or in fact simply admitting something occurred in the first place. That sounds mundane I know. My brain is progressive and quantized. If I talk about little things freely, my defenses are more likely to drop when the need comes to talk about something more difficult or important. This occurs in jumps though...or packets. I'll make a big decision one place only to be muddled for a good while on simpler things. Then, out of the blue, discover a solution to a struggle I've been working on for a long time.

I'm going to hopefully just start putting things up here about my life, frustrations, joys, interests, ponderings and such in an attempt to both remain honest to myself and others...but to also give those people who don't have time to keep reacquainting with me all the time a glimpse into the life of a friend. I know some people read what I write, get offended, and storm into my room all guns blazing. Please, this is just a way for me to express feelings, thoughts, and events. There is no need to be up in arms. If you actually knew me you'd know that storming at me with guns blazing is the fasted way to an unpleasant and most likely concussivly maligned experience. Or, rather, the fastest way to get me to walk away. I hate walking away...because it takes me a stupid long time for my to walk back, so, please, if you have something to say...do so with mutual respect and...if its something really really important that struck you deep...bring a pizza and some beers.

A ton of things have changed in the last few months. Some things, I never saw coming. Some, I never dreamed would ever come true. Still others...left me sitting there going...hmmph. I feel like my perspective is changing just a tad. Its funny how such a simple realization of communicative apathy changes ones entire outlook. Bear with me as I work out all the kinks.

Anyhow, I hope your Christmas and New Year went well and that your outlook on the coming year is as powerful as your regret for screwing up the last one.