Random Stuff I have discovered about me and the outside world.

These aren't in any real order. I just wrote them as the sifted out of my confused brain.


3 months of little to no sleep....really stinks.

When I am stressed and tired:
-my brain goes into neutral without telling me. Yeah...awkward.
-pencils are distracting.
-all voluntary control of the left eyelid is lost.
-stupid things are a big deal. The other day I forgot a spoon for my yogurt. I almost died. You would have thought I was an recovering bipolar patient on relapse. After a few minutes, I discovered that if you squeeze the yogurt container hard enough the yogurt comes out way faster than it ever did with a spoon. How fun is that.

When caffeine concentration reaches and/or exceeds blood plasma concentrations fun things happen; limbs move on their own accord, muscles you didn't know you had twitch, you forget your lunch box at home but remember in great detail the day your kindergarten teacher asked you to spell the word "car" in front of the class.

Worry is an abuse of imagination. I'm good at this one.

It hurts to cry for help.

50cc hedge trimmers should not be used by people who really like power tools.

There is no therapy for depression like old fashion pain.

If at all possible, move to maine and convince your boss that you melt when you get wet. Then you will get lots of days off. Unfortunately, some weeks ago I walked to my car and back into the garage while it was raining. My boss ran out to see which parts of me dissolved first. I work in the rain a lot now.

A mixture of caffeine, taurine, Dextromethorphan HBr, Pseudoephedrine HCI, sugar, acetaminophen makes the pain and the exhaustion go away...AND I can still drive.

I have way too much fun with industrial lawn equipment.

I drive a commercially registered vehicle, which means I can legally be stopped at any time and given a drug test...crap. My supervisor says I am a professional driver...really? Is that why everybody always waves at me while I'm driving?

They say love will always find you. Sigh. I guess love doesn't look under the bed...I'm screwed.

Shakira's song hips don't lie...is pathetic. Music has officially reached a new low.

People get mad at you when you drive on the wrong side of the road.

Gravity sucks.

Getting your Z-mower stuck in a ditch the size of the Grand Canyon because you somehow didn't see it coming really really stinks....yeah turned that afternoon into bundles of non-embarrassing fun.

I need to stop listening to the radio while I'm at work. All they play are baby I love you or baby how could I have lost you songs. Seeing as how the only baby I have is Danielle my car...I don't think these songs are constructive. I don't need to be singing my heart out wishing Danielle would come back to me. Most of them are just depressing anyway. I'll wait till I have someone to sing them to that could do more than grumble at me when I suck at shifting.

I've decided I do not want to work in a lab for my entire life. I've never heard of a Field Chemist...but by golly I'm gonna be one.

I need to get out of this country...Americans are starting to bug me.

Weddings are stressful.

Little old ladies who think they are God's gift to the stupid stress me out.

Lawn mowers, chronic exhaustion, emotional instability, and little children DO NOT MIX. There is a strange rarely seen part of you that is fed up with life the way it is and takes it upon itself to determine the casualty rate of a drive-by-mowing while the rest of you desperately tries to bury the aforementioned portion of your psyche. If you or anyone you know should find yourself in this position please do the following:
- disengage the blades
- proceed to the largest non-movable object and bash yourself silly. If not successful, repeat
until unconsciousness is obtain.

I don't like turning people's power off. It's my job so I do it. Most of the time I feel really bad when it ends up with me having to cut the power, but there are times when I don't really mind. There are those people who legitimately forget to pay or honestly don't have the cash. Then the situation is tough. There are those people though, who have 4 atvs parked out front, three sleds out back, a 45,000 dollar truck, two satellite dishes, a pool bigger than my house, a big screen tv so big you have to sit across the room to see the whole thing at once and lawn ornaments. Yeah no...sorry not feeling bad for you today. You can do all of the following and I still will turn off your power:
-pout
-smile
-offer me a drink
-offer me a beer
-start telling me about the renovations your doing to your house and how expensive they are.
not come to the door (funny thing is, I can pound on the door and have nobody answer, or better yet have somebody else come to the door and tell me the account holder isn't home and when I go turn off the meter WALA, the account holder appears out of thin air...its MAGIC)
- close all the blinds
-start yelling at your kids
-start yelling at me
-scream bloody murder at your poor innocent dog
-blame your spouse( most common one is: she has the check book)
-blame Bush
-blame me
-blame the ground I walk on
-Find new creative colorful ways to describe me
-give me "messages" for my boss
-you can come to the door in nothing but a towel and hope I'll be impressed enough to not disconnect you so you can finish your shower. (all you really succeeded in doing was giving me something to whistle about on the way outback to the meter)
-act surprised (right...your 950 dollars short on a 60 dollar a month bill...ya saw this one coming sister)

Yes, all of these things have been tried on me by actual customers. The worst one was when the person that came out in the towel was a nasty old guy. I just about barfed.