Into the fire with you dunderhead.

Here I am sitting in a class, knowing that maybe I should actually want to pay attention. I mean...its environmental science. It's a really interesting subject! So many things you could do with it. Anywhere from learning about environment impact and how North Americans are pretty much retarded to learning about how to live off the land with minimal impact. Despite the potential...we're not really learning what I want. We're talking about over population right now. I already have my solution to this problem...most people don't like my solution but o well. By golly I'm not depopulation manager for nothing. I feel like this is a problem, but it isn't something I can do anything about right now. I want to learn about practical things that I can help get moving to make a difference. Stop telling me how bad things are all over the place. Tell me how to make a difference, how to build a mindset that is constantly aware of the natural world around me. Teach me how to farm without the need of chemicals. Teach me how to build a diesel engine converstion kit to biodiesel. Teach me how to train farmers how to care for their land and not farm it into nothing. This frustration, leads to me being discouraged...then I get bored....and wind up here typing on the blog looking up random things of interest [which is where the lobster and mushroom came from]. This just happens to be a theme I'm afraid. At the moment, I have so much work to do, so much that I really have to struggle to understand in my classes that if I were to ever get this all done I need a semi-solid or at least an understood environment. Yup...pretty much don't have that so I'm under fire from both sides. On top of that I'm making some changes in my head...and that throws any other aspect of stability I might have all out the window. My friends, who I would look to for stability, are going through changes themselves and interaction is sporadic and most of the time confusing. To wrap it all up I'm getting sick. We'll see how this semester goes. I have learned a ton about myself though. I can completely exist and function (albeit at a minimal level) out of my car without any real base. I never realized just how much work matters. Not homework mind you but job work. I'm not making nearly enough money to pay all the bills, but it gives me something that I'm actually good at. I realized yesterday that the CET is actually the only thing keeping me alive and here. Kind of a frightening realization if you ask me. That one thing could keep you standing. I'm rediscovering that I really need minutes where I can sit down, be outside, kick back, and enjoy life. I don't do constantly busy environments. I can handle lots of work, but not places where people aren't happy with themselves and running running running. I need environments where they test me physically, where I see the problem, address it, and cut through it. Only problem is I can't do that when I can't see the problem. These are still thoughts in my head and I'm not even sure they mean anything.

Anyhow:
friends are coming tomorrow
mom left for Guatemala today {she beat me out of the county...wtf}
tons of p-chem due this week
registration was yesterday
no idea what I'm doing with my life
just spent a ton of money I don't have getting ready for this winter